


I Missed You

by Why_do_you_want_to_know



Series: I Missed You [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Asexual Castiel (Supernatural), Asexuality, Bad Parent John Winchester, Emotionally Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), FBI Agent Castiel (Supernatural), Hunter Dean Winchester, Hunter Sam Winchester, I Don't Even Know, I'm Bad At Tagging, Kid Fic, M/M, Mild Language, Oblivious Sam Winchester, Protective Castiel (Supernatural), Protective Dean Winchester, Sad Dean Winchester, Sonny's Home For Boys (Supernatural), They are adults for half and teenagers for half, but not really, but still, no beta we die like men, there is one swear word, tiny bit of case fic at the start
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-10-19 03:14:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20650283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Why_do_you_want_to_know/pseuds/Why_do_you_want_to_know
Summary: Sam glanced at Dean, clearly asking him what to do. But Dean was done for the second he saw the person standing in the room, saw those blue eyes, saw Cas, so he turned around and put his hands behind his back.OrWhat if instead of Robyn, there was a boy at Sonny's? A boy with blue eyes and a dream to become an FBI agent?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is an idea I've had for a while now. I finally got around to writing it, so here it is!  
This hasn't been beta'd so if you see any mistakes, please tell me.  
Hope you enjoy!!

Dean looked at Sam, this was it, he was sure. This was where Alex Woods was buried. The dark trees and misty watered lake was just the perfect setting for burning a ghost, sometimes Dean wondered whether people knew their family was going to come back as ghosts, he could think of no other reason people would be buried in such hauntingly beautiful places. The moon was reflecting on the water and Dean couldn't help but wish this wasn't his job. He wished he could look at a full moon and think about anything other than werewolves, wished he could look at fog and think anything other than the fact it would be the perfect place for a monster to lurk.

So far, Alex Woods had killed 3 people, all people who had wronged her and her friends during her life. Some of them had been real jerks, but sadly just because they deserved it, didn't mean that Sam and Dean were allowed to allow the ghost to keep going. They never were allowed to. This time it was a real shame, he knew that Alex wasn't evil and she meant no harm - not to people with any human decency anyway. So far she had killed the local arsonist who had set fire to their school and nearly killed multiple people in the blaze, but hadn't been locked away due to a lack of evidence. She had killed her best friends abusive father - again lack of evidence stopping him from being locked up, and she had killed the local homophobe. Dean was especially glad about that one, they had been a real piece of work and not having to go anywhere near them was a win if Dean had ever seen one.

Obviously though, she needed freeing, she needed peace. So, they needed to dig her up and salt and burn. Also, even if Dean agreed with who she was killing, a 15 year old having to murder just didn't sit right with him. He had to kill enough monsters and knew what it did to someones soul, he could only hope whatever next was kind to Alex. He sent a quick prayer to a heaven he didn't believe in before getting started. Sam seemed just as uneasy about this as he was, they were used to the ghosts appearing and trying to stop them, but the entire time they were digging, Alex didn't show up. They were lucky that it didn't take too long, a storm was starting up and it was already starting to rain, Dean didn't want to still be out here when the forecasted lightning started. Being electrocuted on a case once was enough for an entire life.

Dean didn't know what he was expecting. Maybe screaming. Maybe Alex's ghost appearing and trying to stop them. What he hadn't expected was this. Actually no. Those things were exactly what he was expecting. Alex may be only 15, but she was a ghost, a murdering ghost at that. Screaming and attacks were how ghosts worked, it was how it always went. Instead what happened was completely new, then again Alex was a 15 year old ghost who was murdering for her friends, normal was out the window for this one.

Alex's ghost and all her friends appeared at the same time, the living girls clearly having been led there by their friend. Tears were running down all their faces, living and dead, but there were also smiles all around. It was strange, Dean couldn't imagine smiling at having to say goodbye to someone, but then again maybe they saw that it was the only way forwards as well. They were probably the types of people who believed in the whole 'Don't cry because they are gone, smile because you go to know them' thing, lucky them, Dean supposed.

"Goodbye." Alex said, a small smile on her face "I'm sorry, I was just so, so angry." She paused for a moment, allowing the anger to flow out of her, "thank you." She said to Sam and Dean, before gathering her friends into a circle. Giving one last hug and possibly one last piece of advice, before she turned to Sam. "Do it." Dean had to give it to her, she was being very brave. He had never seen anyone less afraid of the afterlife, Kudos to her, Dean could only hope that everything went ok for her. She may have murdered people, but she did so with the best intentions and anyway, Dean may kill the monsters which went bump in the night, but the real monsters were the humans which Dean couldn't stop.

Sam nodded and inclined his head towards Dean, the silent 'go on' clear. Dean paused for a moment, he knew that his was his job and that he had to, that he couldn't allow this to continue, but he also knew that this was going to hurt Alex, that wherever she went next was probably not going to be kind to a murderer, not even one with good intentions. With a deep breath and one last hope that she would be ok, he carefully dropped the lit match, watching as both Alex's body and her ghost went up into flames.

"Goodbye." She said and then she was gone. Her friends looked sad for a moment, tears running down their faces. "Thank you," one of them whispered "you saved her." And then they walked off, back to their homes, back to their lives which would never be the same, because their friend was gone forever now. Dean hoped they would be ok. He knew what it was like to lose your friend, to have to say goodbye to their ghost.

Sam and Dean slowly gathered their things back together, both in a respectful silence. Dean could feel exhaustion creeping up on him, the weight of everything on his shoulders felt twice as heavy as normal. They saved Alex's next victim, but couldn't save her. For everyone they saved there were always people they couldn't save, innocent people who didn't deserve it. And sometimes the innocents were the monsters themselves. It was only once the trunk was packed back up and they were both back into their seats that they talked again.

"Well, glad we sorted that out." Sam said, trying to release the heavy mood that had dropped over their heads.

Dean nodded, Alex's last moments still weighing down his heart. They did their best to kill all the monsters, kill the creatures which murdered in the dead of night, but they didn't do anything for the true monsters, the humans who hurt, who didn't care about other humans lives. They didn't do anything to stop those monsters. "Let's get back to the motel." He said. He needed to sleep, then he would feel better.

He pulled into the motel and quickly spilled out onto the tarmac. He just wanted to flop onto his bed and sleep, it was early morning by now and Dean was so done with consciousness. Sam seemed just as tired as he was, his lanky arms hanging at his sides as he shuffled towards their room, the key already out. In his tired daze, Dean didn't notice the other car parked nearby, it seemed normal enough, but seeing as it wasn't there when they left, it was something Dean would normally pick up on.

The 'screw consciousness' plan was scrapped as soon as he stepped into their room. There was someone there already, walking around and prodding their stuff. Dean felt himself jerk back into full wakefulness, all of his Dad's training kicking in full force. Protect Sam, don't let this stranger destroy everything he had.

"Who are you?" Sam asked, walking into their room and trying to look threatening, even in his tired state, "and why are you in our room."

"Just having a look." The man replied. His voice sent a jolt of recognition through Dean. He had a hunch he knew who it was, and if he was right, they were screwed, "is that now allowed?"

"No it's not." Sam said with some finality "Agent Cooper, FBI." He said pulling out his badge, "this is my partner, Agent Anderson, Now why are you in our room."

The man looked up and Dean's heart stopped. He could never forget those blue eyes. He didn't bother pulling out his badge, there was no point. Clearly this man wouldn't believe their fakes. The blue eyes, the gravely but kind voice, they could only belong to one person, the one person Dean never thought he would see again, yet always hoped he would. |He could feel his world crumbling around him and defeat fall in. There was no way out of this. He knew that this was where he would end up, knew it but still left. Now he had to face his reality.

"Can I look at that?" The man asked, pointing to Sam's badge. Sam, oblivious to his brothers defeat and shock, handed it over. The man took one look at it before pocketing it, pulling out his own badge. "Castiel Novak, FBI. This is fake, I'm going to have to take you in. And to think I was only here to follow up on some suspicious looking murders." Dean smiled slightly, Cas was here for the same reason they had been here, maybe it was fate.

Sam glanced at Dean, clearly asking him what to do. But Dean was done for the second he saw the person standing in the room, saw those blue eyes, saw Cas, so he turned around and put his hands behind his back. Sam was clearly confused, but he copied Dean, turning around and putting his hands behind his back as well. Dean couldn't think of what else to do, he couldn't fight his way out, he couldn't run away - not again. There was nothing else to do, Cas was already the only one who could get through his walls, and now he was here smashing down Dean's walls without even looking him in the eyes. Dean was here exposed and vulnerable and Cas wasn't even trying.

Dean sighed, Cas clearly didn't recognise him, he didn't quite know what to do about that.

Sam gave him a look. It was a clear look at that. It was a 'give the sign and I will knock him out so we can run' look, but Dean wasn't having any of that. "No." He said out loud. "If you touch a hair on his head, you're going to be the knocked out one." Sam looked shocked at his tone, it held no room for argument and showed complete truth, Sam knew about Sonny's, but he had no idea about Cas, of course he couldn't understand. Dean hadn't quite known how to bring it up - how to bring Cas up - so h had just never tried.

"Are you threatening an FBI agent?" Cas asked confused. He did the head tilt, the bird like one which practically catapulted Dean into his past, into better times.

"No." Sam said in an equally confused tone, "he's threatening me. What I don't know is why."

"Reasons. Pasts. Secrets. You know the drill. I keep a secret, it nearly kills us, or in this case ends up with us getting locked up, and then you eventually find out." Dean said in an unimpressed tone. He may be feeling slightly hysterical but that was a problem for a different day, preferably a day when Dean wasn't drowning in his memories. He looked up and at Cas, he was exactly how Dean remembered, just older. Even if they hadn't seen each other for years. He could never forget Cas.

"Ok, I have no idea what's going on here, but I'm going to have to arrest you for the badges." Cas said slowly, "can I trust you both not to try to harm me." Cas sounded unsure and yet exactly like he used to. His way of speaking, even his strange accent from moving around so much, it was like not day had passed since they last saw each other. But Cas didn't recognise him, so everything must have changed.

Dean smiled "yup." He knew he should be feeling something other than happiness, they were getting arrested, but it was Cas. He had missed Cas over the years, not that he ever told anyone. Since he had lost Cas, there had been a hole in his heart, one which could never be filled, and now just by being here, Cas was unknowingly filling it.

"Yes, you can." Sam said. He was also speaking slowly, clearly unsure as to what was going on with his brother. Dean knew Sam was worried, he waas acting crazy, maybe even a bit possessed, but everything was changing and he seemed to be the only one realising it.

Dean was trying to figure out when the best time to reveal himself was. Obviously Cas deserved better than him, but he still needed Cas, so if he would still put up with him, he wanted Cas back. He decided the best time would be after he had figured out how much he had changed, no point revealing himself if Cas hated him or didn't want anything to do with his first kiss, first love.

"So," he said as soon as Cas had handcuffed him and moved onto Sam, he was going to have to escape if Cas tried to put them in prison, but he might as well start a conversation. "You married?" Yes, that seemed like a good place to start. Best figure out whether Cas was still on the market before he decided on whether he would want Dean back.

Cas rolled his eyes "small talk, seriously?" Dean secretly smiled, it was still the exact same Cas. Still hated small talk with strangers, it brought Dean back to their first conversation, if he had know back then it would end up like this, would he have still talked to the mysterious new kid? Honestly, yes. Dean shrugged innocently, dragging himself back to the present and Cas relented "you know what, I see no harm. No, I've never been married."

"What about girlfriend, or boyfriend?" He asked, he needed to know. He ignored Sam's strange look, he could explain later. Or not. It depended on how this went. If he ended up with a broken heart then he would probably never tell Sam this particular story. If it went well, then he would have to.

Cas rolled his eyes again, "once, a long long time ago. Are you done yet?"

"What happened to them?" Dean made his voice innocent, even as he was dying to know the answer.

"I don't fully know - we had to break up because of their family and next thing I knew, they were on the police records as 'dead'. They broke their promise." Cas' voice turned sad as he said the last bit, shocking Dean. The again, it had always shocked him before whenever he realised Cas cared about him, why would that have changed now. Cas paused for a second before adding "I don't know why I'm telling you this." Dean felt his heart break, he had done this, it was his fault Cas sounded so sad and yet he had the power to change things. He could leave - again - or he could choose a different choice this time. It was up to him.

Dean shrugged "is it because I'm a great listener?" Now he had to be careful where he went with this. Clearly Cas still cared for him, and he still cared for Cas. He could easily go fishing for compliments, but that wasn't his goal here.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean was fixing the tractor when it happened. Sonny always wanted to keep them busy and because he was good with machinery, when the tractor broke, he was sent to fix it. Dean would grumble and roll his eyes, but secretly he loved it. He wished he was allowed to become a mechanic, instead of following his Dad into the family business.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! For anyone who read the last chapter a week ago, I suggest you go and reread it. While editing this chapter i realised that this story needed some TLC so went and rewrote some (most) of last chapter. If you did read it, it would be awesome if you could comment and tell me if i managed to improve it. It's late here but i felt the need to fix it.
> 
> Also, i'm sorry. I have managed to post this chapter this week but i was planning on posting it earlier. It's just that things got busy here and somehow i completely forgot i had started posting this. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯. 
> 
> Anyway, here it is. Hope you enjoy!!

Dean was fixing the tractor when it happened. Sonny always wanted to keep them busy and because he was good with machinery, when the tractor broke, he was sent to fix it. Dean would grumble and roll his eyes, but secretly he loved it. He wished he was allowed to become a mechanic, instead of following his Dad into the family business.

He was almost finished when there was a door slam and a boy came storming out. Dean knew he had never seen this boy before. In fact, as far as he knew there were no other black haired, blue eyed kids in the entirety of Sonny's. Not with eyes that like that anyway. Dean knew for a fact that he would remember someone who looked like that.

He wiggled out from under the tractor and walked over to where the boy was sitting on the grass. As he walked over, he got a better look at him. His hair was messed up in a way that suggested he had tried to tame it - but had ultimately failed - and his eyes were even bluer up close. He seemed to be wearing a suit and was that a trench coat? He didn't seem to be the kind of boy that was normally sent here. Most of them were like Dean himself, full of childhood angst and hatred for the world. This boy did seem like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders, but he also seemed so full of good.

"You new here?" He asked, trying to seem friendly, all he got for his efforts was a glare. "Ok, ok. You hate small talk. Got it." He knew he could, and probably should, just go back to fixing the tractor, but there was something about this boy, something intriguing. Dean found himself wanting to know more - so he stayed.

After about 10 minutes of comfortable silence, the other boy spoke up. "My name is Castiel, what’s yours?" Dean was caught off guard by both the boy - Castiel, weird name - speaking and also his voice. It sounded like he had been gargling rocks, but also so full of kindness. It was such a weird combination but somehow it fitted him so well. Dean instantly knew he had made the right choice in staying, and that was from one sentence.

"Castiel huh. I'm going to call you Cas, easier to say. I'm Dean." Dean said with a smile. He didn't know why he was giving Cas a nickname already, he spent his life trying to avoid getting attached, but he couldn't help himself. He was attached the moment Cas first spoke and now he was just a kite in a hurricane.

Cas returned the smile, "I've never had a nickname before." He said with such wonder, it hurt Dean to hear. How could he have never had a nickname before? Especially with a name as strange as Castiel?

"What are you doing here anyway? You don't seem to fit in, if you don't mind me saying." Dean looked right into Cas' eyes and could tell that his first impressions were right. There was no hate in those blue gems, just love for the world, and yet still so much pain. Cas appeared like a walking contradiction and Dean was already desperate to reduce the pain, Cas didn't deserve pain, only happiness.

Cas shook his head "what are you on about? I'm the toughest, naughtiest boy here." Cas spoke in an oddly posh voice, it wasn't overly noticeable, until he was trying to say he was the toughest bit there. Sure he looked strong, but he was also shorter than Dean and looked more like a mix between a tax accountant and someone going to church. At Dean's sceptical look, he snorted, "I'm an orphan. I've been to at least 20 care homes in the last few years. I'm sick of moving around, so I ran away and found myself here." Dean nodded, made sense. The fear of being sent to a care home was the only thing stopping Dean from running away from home - that and he could never abandon Sammy like that.

"I was caught shoplifting." He said, Cas had shared why he was there, it only made sense to tell him his story in return. He remembered how Sam had been so hungry, he had stolen the peanut butter and bread to feed him. He hoped Sam had some food now, maybe Dad had returned.

"Ah, what about family?" Cas asked "you already know I'm an orphan, I should probably mention I have an older brother but I don't know where he is now." Dean internally winced, family was everything to him, but he wasn't really sure he wanted to talk about them. Not here. Here he was away from his family, away from the family business and away from the responsibility of looking after his younger brother. He loved Sam and all - lived for him even - but sometimes it felt like a huge responsibility for someone who felt so small.

Dean thought for a moment before answering "I've got my Dad and my little brother," he wondered how much to reveal, how much did he trust Cas? Apparently a lot, "my mum died in a fire when I was little."

"I'm sorry to hear that, where is your brother now?" Cas asked, picking at the grass around him. He had such an odd way of speaking. It was probably to do with all the moving around but it almost sounded like he was a robot - yet his eyes showed the exact opposite. His eyes were filled with life and interests, his voice devoid of anything. Sometimes Dean wondered if he would ever become like that if he continued being his Dad's perfect soldier, was that what happened to Cas?

"Sammy? Hopefully with our Dad. I don't actually know." Dean said, feeling his failure weight him down, Dad was going to be so mad when he realised that Dean had failed. Dean loved his Dad, he meant the world to him, but he was also terrified of him. Dean knew it wasn't normal, probably wasn't healthy either - to be deathly terrified if dissapointing your Dad - but it was just how things were. "Ugh, Dad's going to kill me when he realises I failed!" He could feel a small amount of panic creeping in at the thought. He had made a promise to Dad, how was he going to react when he found out Dean had broken his promise, the golden rule.

"Failed what?" Cas asked confused. He had the most adorable head tilt which he seemed to do when he was confused and his every emotion shone in his eyes. Dean didn't think he had ever met someone so - so open. Someone who cared enough about Dean to wonder what he failed, Bobby cared obviously, but most people just a greed he had failed something and moved on. Then again most of those people knew him, Cas didn't.

"I was meant to look after Sammy, Dad was away, but if I'm here then I'm not looking after Sammy so I failed." Dean explained with a grimace. Cas looked even more confused after his explanation - if that was even possible - and seemed to try to tilt his head even further. He looked like a little bird and it made Dean smile, if only a little bit. Then Cas tightened his head and turned back to look at the lawn beneath them.

"That doesn't sound like failing to me." Cas said still picking the grass "he sounds like the one who failed." Dean wished he could believe Cas, seeming as Cas clearly believed himself - and to be completely honest, he knew it wasn't normal for someone to basically become their siblings parent - but it was just how things were.

Dean sighed, "well, I best get back to that tractor. Nice speaking to you." He didn't really want to go back, to leave Cas. Especially because knowing himself, Cas would never want to talk to him again, but he had to get the tractor done or Sonny wouldn't be happy. He knew that Sonny was nothing like John - that he wouldn't yell or do anything bad - but he still felt the need to do as he said. And he said to fix the tractor.

"Same to you. You know, I think you’re the only decent person in the whole place." Cas said with a smile. Dean could feel his breath being stolen from him. That smile. It was - it was just amazing. It was one of those smiles which would make Greek goddess jealous and make every girl - and apparently Dean - within a hundred miles weak. He was so screwed.

"Thanks." Dean said as he walked away "I think?" It did seem like a bit of an odd comment, but then again Dean had been here for some time and could honestly agree that although most of the boys here weren't bad people - in fact Dean could symphasise with most of them - Cas was definitely the best of the bunch.

Over the next week, Cas and Dean got closer and closer. Before too long they were best friends and went everywhere together. Cas glared at everyone, except Dean and Sonny, with a gaze so cold Dean was glad he was excluded from its recipient list. He was sure it could freeze anyone Cas wanted, in their tracks. He knew for a fact it would freeze him in his tracks and fought Vampires and Werewolves.

*

Before Cas had been there two weeks, they started dating. Sonny asked them if they thought they were going a bit fast, but they explained that they never knew where life was going to take them and how long they would have together. Dean wished he did know where life was going to take him. He loved Cas more than he believed possible and knew that if he ever lost him, it would break his heart.

They had their first kiss after dating for a couple of days, it was both of their firsts but Dean could tell it was the best he was ever going to get. Dean knew that the memory of that kiss would be able to get him through anything - it made him feel on top of the world and like he could take on anything as long as he had Cas by his side - he just wished his life was normal. Then he would have to store memories away to get him through dark days of drunk Dads, hunts and angry siblings.

Dean knew he would never forget it. It had stolen his breath and his heart in one fell swoop, not that his heart hadn't already belonged to Cas, but in that moment he felt Cas claim it for his own. Dean went back in for more, not being able to get enough of the taste of Cas, the feel of Cas. This kiss lasted much longer than the previous short, sweet one. Dean pulled away for air and he was about to continue when Cas interrupted.

"Wait." Cas said, still panting slightly. Dean instantly started going over worst case scenarios. Cas' eyes didn't appear to be filled with disgust - it looked more like worry? - but they definitely weren't filled with enthusiasm.

"Sorry, did I misread things?" Dean asked concerned. Cas had been kissing him back but maybe he had been wrong. Maybe Cas had just realised why everyone left Dean eventually, or maybe he had just realised he didn't like Dean like that. There were a million reasons the Cas may want him to stop, but all Dean could focus on were the negative ones.

"No, I just needed to tell you. I'm asexual. I'm sorry if that changes things and if you want to break up with me, I'll understand." Cas turned his gaze downwards, clearly waiting for a rejection. Dean just froze for a second. Did this mean that Cas didn't have him? Well that was a relief. He noticed as Cas looked more and more sad each second and realised he hadn't responded. Cas probably thought he was angry or about to leave or something.

"Ok." Dean said gently lifting Cas' chin. "Cas, I love you for you, I'm not with you just so I can fuck you, so it doesn't bother me. I'm fine with it, I'm not going to break up with you." He made sure his tone held no room for doubt and when Cas started to smile, he leant in for a kiss. He truly didn't care, it didn't mean that much to him anyway, Cas meant so much more than - well then anything else in the world. Cas could have said he turned into a hideous beast at night and Dean still wouldn't have cared, he loved Cas so much it scared him, but he wasn't going to turn back now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!
> 
> If you enjoyed, please lave kudos and/or a comment. They mean the world to me!! It may also remind me this story exists so i don't forget it again. 🤣🤣. (Also comments get me posting sooner) I would love to hear if there was a bit you liked!! Or even if i just made a spelling mistake/ you see something wrong.
> 
> Hope you have an amazing day/night!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What do you want to do when you are older." Dean asked one day. They had finished their work and headed into the woods nearby and were now sitting curled up together under their tree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go! Another chapter!   
I'm sorry, this one has a sad ending, i nearly started crying editing it! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy!!

"What do you want to do when you are older." Dean asked one day. They had finished their work and headed into the woods nearby and were now sitting curled up together under their tree. It was theirs because no one else ever went there and it had their names carved into it. It was slightly cringy but carved into one of the branches, about halfway up, as high as they could climb before it got too twiggy, was a heart. The heart had 'Dean + Cas' written inside it. They never knew how long they would be able to stay together, but at least this tree would always hold a reminder of them. It was one of those chick-flick like things which Dean never imagined himself even thinking about doing, yet Cas made him want to.

"Ummmm," Cas started "well I've always wanted to be an FBI agent, but I'm not sure if I'd be able to. I think I've moved around too much." Dean took a moment to imagine it, Cas as an FBI officer, going around arresting people who were doing the wrong thing, arresting - arresting people like Dean. He could feel his mood souring slightly, if he didn't leave the family business, then he would be just like the people Cas would be arresting, if he did he would be betraying his family. Deciding it was a thought process for another day, Dean focused in the fact Cas was doubting himself.

Dean scothed, "please, Cas you can be anything you want to be. You're headstrong enough that if you decide you want to be an FBI agent, you will be an FBI agent." Dean could see Cas start to smile at Dean's certainty and felt Cas pull him even closer, it sent sparks through Dean, he had never felt so loved, so wanted, as he did when he was with Cas. "Anyway, I've seen your glare. Just turn that on, well anyone really and they will do whatever you want. That or turn to ice, depends on the intensity." Cas laughed at Dean's comment and Dean relaxed into his arms. Cas had such a lovely laugh, a lovely smile, Dean still wished he could take away all of Cas' pain, he had a feeling he would wish it forever.

Cas' laugh pulled him out of his thoughts, as he leaned over and pressed their lips together "thank you Dean, I'll bare that in mind. What about you anyway? What do you want to be?" Dean felt his blood freeze for a second at the question, what did he want to be? But Cas' warm embrace soon melted away his doubt so he decided to share with him the one thing he had never told any one, not even Sammy.

He looked down sadly. "I don't know, I'm not very smart, I don't think I'll be able to do anything except join my Dad in 'the family business'." He tried to play it off as not too bad of a thing, but he knew that Cas would be able to see right through him. He swore that kid had super powers, or maybe he just knew Dean that well.

Cas sighed as well. He knew what Dean's family business was, Dean had told him everything once they started dating. He hadn't seemed too surprised to hear about things that went bump in the night, then again he loved Dean so maybe he was just a bit insane.

"You don't have to you know." Cas said sadly "you could be anything you want to be. You are smart enough." Dean's immediate thought was to deflect, he could make a joke about Cas accidentally quoting Barbie or just make a joke about how he really wasn't smart enough. But he trusted Cas, he loved Cas - even if the thought of how quickly he had started loving him really did freeze him to his very bone - he might as well be honest.

"I know. But I need to look after my family, you know that." Dean said, trying to keep the doubt out if his voice as he pulled Cas in even closer. Cas clearly didn't agree about Dean having to look after his family, and he had said so many times, but it was Dean's job and he couldn't be persuaded otherwise.

"I know." Cas snuggled even closer into Dean, trying to get warmer in the early evening chill. Dean wished this could be it, this could be his happily ever after, but he knew that happily ever after couldn't always be the endings and that just wasn't how his story was going to go.

*

It was another two weeks after that, that Dean's Dad turned up.

They were under their tree again when it happened. Dean had been feeling odd all day, like something was going to happen, but he had just pulled Cas into a tight hug and continued on with his day. He did his chores and once he was done headed to the tree. He sat under the tree trying to pretend everything was fine even as he knew it wasn't. His instincts said something was going to happen and they were rarely wrong.

"Dean!" Sonny said, walking over. At first glance he looked calm, but under it all, he seemed frazzled "Dean, your Dad's here." The words seemed to freeze Dean's very soul. He knew this was going to happen eventually, but things had been going so well with Cas, he had been so happy, he had managed to convince himself everything would be fine.

"What!" Dean said, aghast. He didn't know what to do. He didn't want to leave Cas, but he couldn't abandon his family. He had to choose, but how could he. Cas couldn't come with him, his family couldn't settle down. No, that wasn't true. His Dad couldn't settle down, Sam would love nothing more.

"Look, I'll stall him for a bit, hopefully long enough for you to decide if you want to stay or go." Sonny said "And if you decide you want to stay, I'll stand by you and make your Dad understand." Dean wished things weren't going so wrong. If they weren't, he would be able to take the time to think about how amazing Sonny was, about how lucky he had been to end up here, as it was he was just trying not to panic.

"Thanks Sonny." Dean muttered distractedly. Stay or go. Cas or family. Life or hunting. It was like comparing black and white when you wanted grey.

Cas waited until Sonny had left before he said, "whatever you decide I will stand by you. I promise." Dean could feel tears bubbling up at Cas' words. He knew that Cas wanted him to stay, knew that Cas would miss him if he left, almost as much as he would miss Cas. And yet Cas was willing to back whatever Dean chose.

Dean muttered another "thanks" before he stood up and started pacing. He couldn't stand still, he found he thought better when moving so that's what he did, he moved. Back and forth back and forth until Cas grabbed his wrist, pulling him to a stop and standing right in front of him.

"What's going through your mind." Cas asked softly. Lifting his hands up to gently frame Dean's face and wiping away the tears which were still running down his cheeks. Dean leaned into the touch. He couldn't lose Cas, but he couldn't abandon Sammy. Cas' face was as open as they day they had first met, there was no judgement, no hint that there would be any resentment if he didn't choose him. Cas was just too pure for this world.

"If I go, I lose you. Probably forever. But if I stay, I leave Sam alone with my Dad. And Dad tries, he does, but he can't raise Sam." Dean said, his tears flowing even quicker as he spoke. Voicing it made it more real, and he wished it wasn't real.

"I understand. You need to be there for your brother. You need to save people. Just promise me something." Cas said quietly. Dean knew that he should just nod, just go and be thankful that Cas was so understanding, but it just made him cry harder. Cas was too pure, his did he end up with someone like Dean? Cas cared about him more than Dad ever would - ever could - and Sam would never know what he truly did for him. Yet he knew he couldn't choose Cas, even as the decision tore his heart to shreds.

"Anything." Dean said plonking himself down next to where Cas had sat down. He would promise Cas the world and it still wouldn't be enough. He wished he could stay, but he had to look after Sammy. He knew that. Even Cas knew that.

Cas grabbed Dean's hand and gently held it, "You need to look after your brother, but promise me that you'll look after yourself first. Promise me that you won't forget me. And promise me that you'll stay safe, so that we can find each other again." Cas took a deep breath, "promise me." By the end of his little…. Whatever you would call that, Cas was crying and so was Dean. Dean couldn't believe someone like Cas could care so much about someone like Dean. And now he had to leave him.

Dean nodded, tears streaming down his face "I promise, you just promise me something too." At Cas' nod he continued "promise me that you will always follow your dreams, I know it's cringy but still. Also, I'm sure we'll meet again, either by choice or by fate." Dean couldn't believed he was being so cringy, especially truthfully cringy, but Cas deserved cringe, Cas deserved cringe and heartfelt confessions and truth and everything.

Cas nodded and together they stood, walking towards where Dean's Dad would probably be parked. They reached the tree line before Cas stopped "go on, you have to do this by yourself." Dean knew this was it, this was his last chance. He pulled Cas into a quick, loving kiss and when he pulled away, he finally told him.

"Cas, I love you." He said, staring right into Cas' eyes to make sure there was no miscommunication, no mistakes and no lies. He loved Cas and that was the end of that.  
Cas stared back, his blue eyes alight with both joy and sadness, the walking contradiction in his eyes back once more.

"I love you too." Cas replied and then Dean was gone, walking out of the trees and towards his Dad's car. The car which was normally home, but today felt like it was going to drag him away from home.

"Hey Dad, hey Sammy." He said as he forced each step closer. They wouldn't be able to tell, Dad wouldn't care enough to notice and Sammy was too young, but Cas would be able to. Cas would be able to see how every step parting them, hurt like a thousand stab wounds.

He got a smile in response from Sammy and a "get in the car" from his Dad, he didn't expect anything else. He sighed and threw one last glance towards Cas before he climbed in and they drove off. His Dad was explaining the case he had found but Dean wasn't listening. He was wondering whether his would really be the last time he would ever see Cas.

And it was, until now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. It had to happen.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!! If you did, please leave me a comment!! I love receiving them!! They also tell me i'm not writing into the void (which is what it kinda feels like)  
Have a good day/night!!  
I'll try to update this in less than a week, but we'll see how life goes.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So, you haven't been with anyone since 'a long time ago'?" Dean asked, he needed to be sure. He knew Cas probably was thinking he was a jerk, and Sam was probably very confused, but he really did need to know. He didn’t want to open up his heart only to have it smashed seconds later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it folks! The final chapter.  
Also, can you believe it's only 5 days until S15!! I still don't quite believe it but i'm so excited!!  
Anyway, hope you enjoy!!

"So, you haven't been with anyone since 'a long time ago'?" Dean asked, he needed to be sure. He knew Cas probably was thinking he was a jerk, and Sam was probably very confused, but he really did need to know. He didn’t want to open up his heart only to have it smashed seconds later.

"No I haven't, and I'm not planning to, so if your trying to small talk your way into my pants it's not going to work." Cas said, pulling out his phone in order to call someone, probably his supervisor. His tone shocked Dean for a moment. Somehow he had forgotten the ice Cas could put into his words, it physically hurt to hear it directed at him.

"Don't worry, that's not my plan." Dean said quickly, he would never. He said it didn't matter to him and it never would. "Anyway you're asexual aren't you." It was only after he said it that he realised there should have been no way for him to know that. Stupid Winchester, why didn’t he have a filter! That would save himself from so many problems, like this one.

Cas slowly lowered his phone, without calling anyone. He was either shocked, or had no reception. "how did you know that?" His tone gave nothing away. He had always had that skill, hiding all his feelings so that they didn’t even show in his words. Some of the boys had used to joke that it was because he had no feelings, Dean knew that wasn’t true though. He knew Cas had feelings, purer feelings than most people Dean knew in fact.

"Umm." Dean said intelligently "lucky guess? I’m pretty observant" He carefully shifted, trying to move Cas' eyes of him and trying to seem innocent, and not like - well, not like himself.

Cas clearly was about to say something else when Sam cut in. "Can we go please. We haven't done anything wrong."

Dean rolled his eyes. They had done a lot of things wrong. A lot of a lot. He was fairly sure he knew the only way to keep them out of jail, and that would be to reveal himself. Cas wouldn't throw them in prison if it was him, but he wasn't sure he was ready to reveal himself. What if Cas had forgotten him? What if he hated him? What if he threw them in prison anyway because he hated him now? Ok, Dean was probably spiraling by now.

"Other than fake an FBI badge and pretend to be FBI agents." Cas said deadpan. His face made Dean want to burst out laughing. It would probably be intimidating to anyone else, but the last time he saw that face, Cas had been telling some of the other boys to shut up when they had been calling him and Cas names. They didn't try to bully them ever again.

"Other than that." Sam said. He probably had a few more arguments - random arguments which would be complete lies but still - but then Cas turned his glare on him, the full murder gaze which Cas had seemingly had perfected forever, and Sam froze in his tracks.

"Still got the glare." Dean muttered to himself, smiling. Cas appeared to have somehow managed to make it seem even colder since they last met. Once again, Dean was unbelievably glad that glare hadn't been turned on him yet. Not the full force one anyay. Sam's weird look was enough to tell him that Sam had heard but Cas didn't react so Dean guessed he hadn't.

"Ok, what's going on with you?" Sam asked loudly, turning his attention to Dean. "You've been acting odd since Agent Novak here appeared." He sounded angry, but his eyes just looked worried.

Dean shrugged. Agent Novak, well wasn't that weird to hear. It was so weird Dean nearly burst out laughing at the idea, Cas had managed his dream, he had kept his promise as well. For a moment he was worried that Cas might have heard Sam loudly accusing him of acting weird, but then he realised, what the hell, now was as good a time as any. It was either this or get thrown in jail. "I didn't break my promise." He said quietly.

"What?" Sam asked, drawing the attention of Cas. This time Cas had definitely heard, his gaze (not his glare luckily) turned onto the two men and he was clearly about to tell them to shut it.

Dean ignored them both, turning his gaze onto the floor and repeating himself, but louder. "I said, I didn't break my promise. I didn't break any of them."

"What promise?" Sam said.

But Dean didn't respond, he just looked up and, for the first time since Cas had appeared in their room, made eye contact with Cas.

Green met blue and the world stood still.

"Dean?" Cas said quietly, clearly not completely sure if he was right.

"Heya Cas." Dean said quietly.

"No, no no no." Cas backed away quickly. He looked like he had seen a ghost, but from his point of view, he probably had. "You died. You're dead." His voice was filled with years of betrayal, hurt and - worst of all - pain.

Dean shook his head, slowly like he was faced with a wild animal "nope, it was a shifter, not me. I had to keep my promise didn't I."

Dean barely had time to blink before Cas' had thrown himself at Dean, pulling him into a tight hug. Cas' attitude had done a complete 180. Multiple complete 180's. He'd gone from serious Agent, to 'seen a ghost', to this - relieved.

"I thought you had died you asshole." When Dean laughed he added "oh I'm sorry that my first thought was 'oh he's finally got himself killed' and not 'shifter'. I'll leave you in those handcuffs if you don't stop laughing at me."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry." Dean said with a huge smile on his face "now could you please release me and Sam."

Cas nodded as he started unlocking their handcuffs before a thought hit him. "Sam? As in your little brother Sammy?" At Dean's nod he turned to Sam, "I thought you said 'little' brother?"

"Oh, he was little last time we spoke!" Dean said, pretending to be annoyed. However his smile ruined his facade.

"Ok, what's going on here?" Sam asked confused, rubbing his wrists from where the handcuffs had rubbed as he spoke. "you two know each other? He knows about shifters?"

Dean looked awkward for a moment before he replied, shifting from one foot to the other. "We were at Sonny's together."

Cas laughed, "when he says that, what he means is we were 'together' at Sonny's."

Dean shrugged "true enough." He was a bit unsure about what was going to happen now. He wasn't exactly 'out', he just had to hope that Sam wouldn't care that Cas was a guy.

"Wait. Hold up. As in, 'together' together?" Sam said slowly. At Dean and Cas' respective nods be continued, "and I've never met you before because?"

Cas smiled, turning to look at Sam while he answered him, "your Dad picked Dean up from Sonny's and we haven't seen each other since. I became an FBI agent, you continued hunting. Our paths never crossed again. Until now, anyway."

Dean smiled his shit eating grin as he slyly said "it's like, fate isn't it?"

"Oh shut up." Cas said, pulling him in for a sweet, short kiss.

"I missed you." Dean muttered going back in for another kiss before a loud cough from Sam drew his attention.

"Not here," Sam muttered "just wait 20 minutes for me to get out."

Dean ignored his brother, turning back to Cas, "Wait, what are we going to do now?" Dean asked quietly, "I mean, you're an FBI agent, we are illegal monster hunters."

Cas frowned for a moment before he smiled "I could become a hunter! You two could teach me!" He sounded so exited by the prospect of illegally learning how to murder monsters.

Dean frowned "but this was your dream. I can't drag you want from that!"

Castiel laughed "what? Being an FBI agent? Been there, done that, my new dream is to spend the rest of my life with you."

Dean smiled even wider while Sam made a disgruntled face.

"If you're planning to be this sickly all the time, then I'm not letting you join." Sam said, turning to Cas fake threateningly.

Cas just smiled "don't worry Sam, I'll help you bully Dean as well as being sickly sweet."

Sam rolled his eyes "I guess that will do." But Dean could hear laughter in his tone. He clearly liked Cas and if all they could connect on was bullying Dean, he could deal for a bit. As long as it didn't go on forever that was.

Dean smiled, could life get any better? He had refound the love of his life, Cas and Sam got along together, Cas wasn't planning to leave. Life was good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!  
If you enjoyed please leave comments/kudos and check out my other works.  
Love you all!!  
Have a fabulous day/night!!

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!!  
Next chapter will probably be up next week. 😊😊😊  
Please leave Kudos/comments!! They only take a minute and mean the world to me!  
Have an amazing day/night!!


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